Hypothetical:
If you could build a 16-inch softball team with MLB players (past & present), what would your lineup look like?
A question that has been fishing around my brain for some time now.
As a native of Chicago, 16-inch softball is the backbone of the Chicago Park Districts. A tradition like no other. I was privileged enough to grow up across the street from a park that hosted 16" softball leagues Monday through Friday all summer long. This hypothetical can go a lot of different directions depending on how one would field a team for a fantasy roster like this. Preference is key. So, throw on the general manager cap and give me what you got. Here's the line-up for my fantasy team, The Clinchers.
The roster includes ten starters, one bench player, and a manager to work the book.
1. Ichiro Suzuki - Right Field
Leading off, we got Ichiro Suzuki playing right field.
Ichiro can play anywhere in the outfield, but my preference is to keep him at his natural position. Lefties in softball either pull the fuck out of the ball or put it anywhere they want on the field. Ichiro can do both. He gives me a trustworthy arm in right field along with top-notch speed along the basepaths. His consistency with the bat and his slap-stick style will provide constant contact at the top of the lineup.
Not too worried about the transition from baseball to 16-inch softball for this guy. He transitioned into the major leagues just fine. Guy won the friggin' MVP his first year on American soil. Love having Ichiro as my leadoff man
2. Bo Jackson - Centerfield
Batting second and playing centerfield will be Bo Jackson.
In it's simplest form, 16-inch softball is a game that involves a 16" softball, a bat, and two steady hands. Bo's second job will make the transition from baseball to softball very smooth.
I love Bo playing center because of the amount of ground he can cover out there. Compared to my other two outfielders, it's a no-brainer going with Bo at center. He has hall-of-fame speed, a piss-missle for an arm, and reliable hands. Pair that raw speed with his pure power, batting Bo in the two-hole is dangerous. If he doesn't put the ball out of the park, I guarantee he'll beat out the throw if it's on the ground. He's the fastest guy on the team, probably in the league, so I love having Bo at the top of the line-up.
3. Babe Ruth - Pitcher
Batting third and on the mound will be the Great Bambino. The Sultan of Swat. The Colossus of Clout. Babe motherfucking Ruth.
In my opinion, Babe Ruth would've been the prototypical 16-inch softball player. He has an authentic beer league look to him. Along with his perfect southpaw stance. His natural pull ability at the plate would put on a show at every single park district in Chicago on any given night. Clinchers. Clinchers. Clinchers.
The Babe never had the quickest feet along the base paths. I imagine his slow strut jog around the bags after a home run is about as fast as he would run in this league. That's why putting him at pitcher is a brilliant move. You don't have to rely on his speed to make plays. His past experience as a pitcher on the professional level helps out as well, obviously. But let's not forget; back in Ruth's day, they weren't pitching for speed. They were pitching for outs. I'm sure the Babe has about six different grips in his back pocket he could translate to a clincher.
Imagine Babe Ruth on the mound talking shit to the batters, faking with his left, hop stepping to the right, another fake, one more fake then dropping a bubbler right over the plate. It'd be poetry in motion. Plus, he's a pure southpaw. That's always a plus in my book.
4. Frank Thomas - Catcher
Batting clean-up and playing behind the plate will be the Big Hurt. Frank Thomas. I might catch some heat for this take but hear me out.
The catcher is the most underappreciated position in 16-inch softball. In my opinion, there are two core requirements to play catcher on this team: steady hands and a character-type personality.
We need a guy back there who can keep the umpire entertained. A guy with a few jokes in his back pocket. A guy who can build relationships with the wide variety of umps staffed by the Chicago Park District. Frank Thomas is already a respected analyst, has a multitude of endorsement deals, and is a bonafied, solidified Chicago sports legend. He's the perfect guy for this type of role.
Let's get one thing straight though. If Frank is feeling frisky and wants to play first base; Frank plays first base. Status and seniority hold weight on this club. Frank has the option of which position he wants to play. And in this fantasy land, Frank is catching.
16-inch softball is a game that can be won or lost from aggressive baserunning. The catcher must have steady/reliable hands behind the plate against a team that runs aggressively along the base paths. Thanks to his massive frame, giant hands, and intimidating presence; Frank Thomas provides the total package. Having the Big Hurt bat clean-up makes my line-up extra heavy two through four. Loving the lefty-righty-lefty-righty trend I have so far.
5. Kyle Schwarber - First Base
Batting fifth and playing the position of first base will be Kyle Scwharber.
If Babe Ruth was the prototype, then Kyle Scwarber would be the modern-day prodigy. This guy was born to play 16-inch softball. It's a damn shame professional baseball had to get in the way.
I absolutely love the heart of my order on this team. Babe-Frank-Schwabo. A true knuckle sandwich. I could only imagine the kind of jokes these three would be throwing around during the game. I already know the Babe would take Schwarber under his wing. Show him the ropes of life.
Scwarber is dealt with first base duties largely due to his weight loss. Rookie body-type Kyle Scwarber still would've been a menace at first base. A big body is basically a third hand in 16" softball. However, his newfound mobility is an advantage for this league. I need a mobile guy who can move around and also has those steady hands, of course. Plus, Kyle still plays like a big man. Most of the big guys I knew growing up who lost a bunch of weight still walk around like they're larger than life.
Like I stated in my previous column; if Frank Thomas wants to play first base, Kyle Schwarber will be catching. Respect is something money can't buy.
6. Nolan Arenado - Third Base
Batting sixth and playing third base will be Nolan Arenado.
This position could go a bunch of different directions. I picked Mr. Arenado strictly because of the fielding highlights he has out there on Youtube. Truly incredible shit.
It's very easy to spot out the college baseball players vs. the high school athlete in a 16-inch softball beer league. The clothes they show up to in the park sparks speculation from the get-go. All it takes is one at-bat and one live ball hit their way to figure out which one is which. And out of my entire team, no one guy gives off that "baseball player" look like Nolan Arenado.
The college baseball player usually has a rocket for an arm and top-notch hand-eye coordination. Which translates immediately into the hot corner over in 16" softball. I need my best hands over there. And I need someone with a strong, accurate arm. Arenado fills both those needs and has the resume to prove it. His sweet swing from the right side brings added value. A nice blend of contact & power provides a much needed balance to this top-heavy line-up.
7. Jim Edmonds - Left Field
In the seven-hole and playing left field will be Jim Edmonds.
I was a big-time Jim Edmonds fan growing up. I watched him frequently on the "Web Gems" segment from Baseball Tonight. He always laid out his body to make plays and threw the fuck out of the ball from the outfield. That's exactly what I need.
Jim is a natural center fielder, but I like him playing left field in this league. I don't need speed in left. I need someone who can make plays. Left field catches the most traffic on any given normal game and I love the idea of Edmonds patrolling out there. He can hover more towards the foul line knowing he has a professional football player playing beside him out in center. I trust Bo to play the gaps as he sees; and regardless of who gets to the ball first, it's going to be a clean-cut back into the infield.
Edmonds batted clean-up on the Cardinals so having him hit in the 7th spot adds a spark of power towards the back-end of the line-up. I love this finishing touch to my outfield.
8. Cal Ripkin Jr. - Shortstop
Batting eighth and playing shortstop will be the Ironman. Cal Ripkin Jr.
Cal is the type of guy who got the call to play one night and hasn't missed a week since. He's a seasoned veteran who has a decorated history of always showing up. With this cast of characters, I need a guy who is consistently reliable with his decision-making. Cal doesn't strike me as the kind of guy to get tuned up before the game. Definitely "I'll meet you guys at the bar" type of teammate.
His offensive prowess is focused on contact but his swing can sway for power as well. A right-handed hitter, he is not on this team for what he brings to the table offensively. I picked Cal because of his defensive flexibility. He came into the majors as a natural 3rd baseman who transitioned rather smoothly into a shortstop early on into his career. Which plays as an advantage in 16-inch softball in my opinion. I'm confident Cal could be plugged in at 2B and short-center as well. However, as stated before, seniority and status hold weight on this ball club. Cal's consistency over time gives him first dibs for wherever he wants to play. In this league, he plays shortstop.
His old man, Cal Ripkin Sr. will fill the role as 3rd base coach; while Cal fills the role as 1st base coach whenever he's not up to bat or on-deck. These two love competition and this father-son combination makes me very confident with the morale on this team.
9. Andrelton Simmons - Short-Center
Batting ninth and playing the position of short-center will be Andrelton Simmons.
Officially ending the lineup's trend of "lefty, righty, lefty, righty, etc." I love this decision for the same reason why I love the Arenado decision. This guy's defensive highlights on Youtube get me going. He's the real deal with the glove and would transition phenomenally into 16-inch softball. I believe it.
Short-center is one of the most important positions in 16-inch softball. You never know how important this position plays in a game until the game starts and your team can only field nine guys. That hole up the middle creates major problems in any given 16-inch softball situation.
With that in mind, I want my short-center to be exceptional at turning double plays and playing the role of the cut-off man to anything hit past the outfield. Someone with those types of skills will need A1 instincts, great hands, and an extremely strong & accurate arm. Andrelton Simmons plays defense at a Hall of Fame level and I am confident he will fill this role better than anyone else.
His defensive prowess makes up for his lack of offensive production/expectations. However, at the of the day, he's a professional baseball player and this is 16-inch softball; I'm sure he'll figure it out pretty fuckin' quick. I prefer having contact in comparison to power towards the back-end of my line-up anyways. Love this pick.
10. Craig Biggio - Second Base
Rounding out the line-up as the second leadoff man and playing second base will be Craig Biggio.
Biggio is someone I view as a utility man who can play any position on the field. He has a past history on the professional level as an outfielder, catcher, and second baseman.
His versatility and constant contact (3,000 hits) will create an even keel ending to this dynamic line-up. Craig will always hold a special place in my heart because he's a medium-sized fella like myself. Personal bias aside, the decision for this position was pretty easy. He has a hall of fame resumé and multiple gold gloves on top of that. This guy is a fuckin' competitor who I trust to hold down the right side of the infield. His dirty helmet won't be playing in these games, but it's spirit will. A killer bee on the field is always a dangerous sign for the opposing club. Love Craig Biggio filling the double role as the utility man and second leadoff man.
Manager - Bob Uecker
I was too young to ever watch Bob Uecker play. Too young to ever watch him on Johnny Carson live. Too young to appreciate his genius in real-time. All I knew about Bob Uecker was what I saw in Major League.
Thanks to the internet, I discovered the character of Bob Uecker beyond Harry Doyle. And I've loved every fucking second of it. He's a rare commodity in regards to a professional athlete who happens to be a comedic genius. After doing some homework, you'll find out Bob wasn't the most talented individual on the baseball field. But, he for sure was the funniest. He's the perfect guy to have in a locker room if you're trying to build a championship roster. Because of the energy he brings. That top-notch energy only crude jokes and classic one-liners can bring. That's the type of shit that rallies a talented ball club. Pure joy. Pure laughter. Bob Uecker brings both of those ingredients every time he shows up.
He's the perfect candidate to handle this cast of characters and manage the book during the game. The ole coach loves to go out with the fellas afterward so don't get it twisted. He's showing up, he's buying buckets, and he's telling stories. I can see it now. Coach telling war stories while the whole team catches a laugh. Each story he tells, the laughs get louder. That's the type of guy I want coaching this team.
Bench: Cody Bellinger - Utility
I made this decision strictly because of the potential relationship that can be built on the bench between Cody and manager, Bob Uecker.
Bob is gonna need a guy on the bench to keep him entertained. I don't how Cody will entertain Bob, but I know he will certainly laugh at Bob's jokes. Sometimes that is all you need in a buddy. Someone to laugh at your jokes. I have a genuine certainty that Bob and Cody would build that type of relationship.
I can see it now. First, they're laughing at each other's jokes on the bench. Next, Bob's giving Bellinger a ride to the bar after the game. The next week, Bob's giving Bellinger a ride to the bar after the game THEN he's dropping him off at home after the bar. Before you know it, Bellinger's sleeping on Uecker's couch.
As a player, Cody can play a variety of positions in this league. I trust him anywhere in the outfield. He could also play short-center, first base, catch, and maybe pitch. He's a natural lefty with his arm & with the bat so he's an automatic weapon in my book. The pure southpaws always add a level of uncertainty. Always have, always will.
Lineup:
1. Ichiro - RF
2. Bo Jackson - CF
3. Babe Ruth - P
4. Frank Thomas - C
5. Kyle Schwarber - 1B
6. Nolan Arenado - 3B
7. Jim Edmonds - LF
8. Cal Ripkin Jr. - SS
9. Andrelton Simmons - SCF
10. Craig Biggio - 2B
Tweet me your fantasy 16-inch softball line-up @catstockton12
