Brookfield Zoo Trades Top Prospect To Saint Louis Zoo For Grizzly Vet

Shocking news came out of Chicago today as the trade deadline soon approaches. 

A generational talent from a lineage of locals has been traded in exchange for a gorilla with twenty-six years of zoo experience under his belt.

Let's take a look at the story:  (ABC 7 News) - Link 2 Full Story

The first two sentences could be quite the contradiction if we were discussing humans instead of animals.

"Like a college freshman starting fraternity life with a group of hopeful bachelors"

"He'll learn basically how to be responsible"

Oh, the irony of distinction.

Luckily, we are discussing western lowland gorillas. And from the description above, it sounds like Zachary just got assigned to a club with a top-notch farm system. A place where he can truly develop & hopefully grow into a franchise player.

Quite the deal laid out for the grizzly veteran from St. Louis. Player-friendly, for sure. At 26 years old, he has hall-of-fame potential written all over his scouting report. The hype is real. He's in his prime. And he is entering a club that is ready to win now.

As for Zachary, he will be leaving behind his entire lineage in Chicago. Five family members, all females.

Since he grew up in a house full of women, I'm sure this gorilla not only has future star talent potential; but great manners as well. No character issues for this one.

Talk about strategy. Talk about a power play. Talk about hyping up the beast.  Talk about seduction?

Jontu has a full-fledged marketing scheme planned out ahead for him before his formal introduction.

Aggressive or horny? Only a sicko could imagine. Don't hate the player, hate the game.

The silver lining for Zachary is that at least now he has a good idea of how long he'll be in the farm system. 

If Zachary's 7 years old and Jontu is 26 years old, one could make the guess that in 15-20 years he'll get the call-up. That's a long apprenticeship.

But look at the bright side; at least there's no chance of family entanglement in St. Louis. 

Once this twenty-year chapter of hanging out with a platoon of bachelor western lowland gorillas is over, the next chapter of TRUE bachelorhood begins. 

The chapter Jontu is walking into as we speak. 

What a trade. What an acquisition. What a story.

Welcome to Chicago, pal. We're a city full of animals, you'll fit right in.

(H/T @BarstoolChief for the lead)